I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize