ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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