Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Dignity is for republicans.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
