They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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