I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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