i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize