See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize