like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
