Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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