he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
