apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
