like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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