So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
