you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
