Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
