So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
