Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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