It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
