im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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