My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
