I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize