Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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