Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
