I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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