I accidentally had phone sex last night
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
