you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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