This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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