I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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