If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
