fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
There's even glitter on my cock...
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