i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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