I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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