Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
