apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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