Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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