She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
