My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize