chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
