saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
