Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
did i just pee glitter
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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