So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
