It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
