Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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