It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think a kid would responsible me up
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
