I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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