so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
