Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
