hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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