Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize