areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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