The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
