He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
