walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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