God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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