dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
