Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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