your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
