Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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