So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
