WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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