Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
