dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize