so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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