Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
