ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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