i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Ketchup is God's man juice
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
there is glitter all over my balls
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