Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
