bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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