Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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