Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
