when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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