wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
